How To Approach A Woman – The Real Reasons You Don’t Try

Lots of guys who are learning how to approach a woman complain that they don’t have time. While this may be true, especially with some of the busy schedules people have these days, there are always a couple of hours out of the day that you can carve out for making approaches.

When guys tell me that they just truly don’t have the time, it’s usually a sign that they suffer from approach anxiety. Approach anxiety falls into a couple of different categories. It could be physical – your palm sweats, your heart races, your heart gets crazy. This is a physical problem and you should see a doctor. They have treatments that can make you much more relaxed.

If you don’t have physical symptoms – you get butterflies in your stomach or feel like you can’t walk, etc. – then your approach anxiety is something you can totally deal with it.

The treatment for this is physical movement plus mental reframing. This means that you need to reframe the way you look at approaching. You need to maybe get more warmed up before you start your set. Approach anxiety is really easy to treat but you just have to confront it.

There’s another reason that lots of guys don’t approach. This is what I call ‘half-stepping.’ A guy who is half-stepping will go out on Friday night to do some approaches. He’ll go to the bar with some friends and they’ll sit around with each other. If they’re all in the pick up community, they’ll talk about pick up all night. The guy will stick with his friends and at about 12:30 or 1:00, he’ll decide to say something to one girl or he hangs by the bar and says something to a girl that’s walking by. And that’s his night of making approaches.

Now, this is the worst reason because it’s all about self-delusion. He thinks he’s been out making approaches but he actually hasn’t even talked to one girl. You can’t be stationary and just talk to people walking by because that’s not approaching.

Why do guys do this? It could be laziness or some deep inner approach anxiety. It’s also the easy way out. You feel like you did something without taking any of the risks. So, if you want to learn how to approach a woman, fight the laziness and put your heart into it. You have to just accept that it’s going to take some work to learn your game.

4 Responses to “How To Approach A Woman – The Real Reasons You Don’t Try”

  • mrankinmatt:

    ive always assumed its one of 2 reasons…
    hes not interested in you anymore…or… hes interested in someone else????
    my boyfriend has a habit lately of ‘withdrawing’.. yet claims he still loves me & wants to marry me etc…. that hes withdrawing b/c of stuff/stress that has nothing to do with me… yet if a man seriously loves a woman, wouldnt he be naturally drawn to her during rough times??? i dont get it?????

  • Hayden:

    I’ve always wondered that.
    Oops. People took the word “scared” in a different meaning. I meant, “nervous-scared”..

    White guys are really nice to me. They sometimes look at me like they have to say something to me. Although, I try to ignore it.

  • toast:

    Hi, how are you doing? I would really appreciate if you read thru my story and maybe give me a advice that would better advance my chances with this women. Let me first tell you little about myself and then I will lay things out for u so you can make a better determination and give me a better advice. I’m 25 yrs, I work as a pharm tech, I live near Detroit Area. I have my own everything I usually take good care of myself, Look always fresh, I dress sharp and stay busy with myself to look my best. One thing I find myself always to like and even into “OLDER WOMEN”.
    I’m going tale you the story now like 2 years ago, I was on a online dating site, I found this one lady (52 Years old) that I looked at her pics (SIMPLE PICS) and I paused for like 30 sec. I started to chat with her we started chatting and just general things then as the chatting went on thru the weeks and even the month I told her how I like her presence, her being around, her elegance… etc. thats all we still online after these 6 months I asked for her number , she gave me her number so I called like 2-3 weeks after I usually call her once every 10 days as a average at the most 4 times a month.

    So I called her the first time after those 6 months (from chatting online) and she was nice, I liked talking to her, she tells me about her life with her daughter, son , that she moved recently to this new appt, what she cooked , the weather how she hates the cold and likes it when its sunny …etc,
    I give her a call every like 10 days sometimes she calls me back and sometimes she calls me on her own but u know not too often . So as we talked I asked her out to a nice restaurant and we agreed on a day after work, we went to this first time out , we had to wait for avi seats so we chatted a lil in the waiting room, after that we ordered the food , ate, and had my vodka and she ordered 2 glasses of wine. As we were eating we were talking and I told her how its long past due for us to get together how, she was saying how she thinks I take good care of her I smile and pay her attention and honestly I love to pay her attention . BUT not all over her don’t get me wrong but always treated like a lady, I know that she noticed that because she told me it. After we ate I gave her a ride to her daughter’s houseas she was about to exit my car she gives me a hug , good night and she puts her two fingers on her lips and she tells me kiss and she smiles it happened that we kissed but just kissed meaning firmly (on the lips ).

    After this date we got in touch with each other , I didn’t change anything in any manner I kept on calling as often as I call once every 10 days , check on her , joke with her , compliment her even tell her how pleased I was to have her around, SO its been over 9 months since we went out on this date , But thru these 9 months nothing has changed I call her /she calls we talk I try to set something up, she is somehow busy with work and just her life. So I have known this lady for a total of 2 years @ LEAST and still I can’t advance things with her .

    How do u think I should approach this women ? ( I REALLY TRIED, Still calling her for two years,asked her out , went out she still don’t get it )
    How do I take it to the next level ? ( BEEN TWO YEARS I REALLY TRIED )
    How can I get her to open up and talk to me ? (she wont tell me about her romance life , passion, sexual, intimate, cuddly thing )
    How can I let her know what I really want only her and I desire her age ?
    How can I let her know that I like her ?
    Do you think she knows that I like her ?
    How can I find out if she likes/dislike age thing ? if it’s a issue/ not issue for here ?? ? ?
    I been talking with this women for two years just tell me why she has been talking to me for this long ? ( I believe has to be a reason )

    I mean what is it that yet I didn’t try or do ?

    Sorry to make u read all this but really Look its complicated 

  • Gamer959:

    I already posted this, but I just accidentally deleted it. It doesn’t really matter though since nobody responded anyway. Well here it is again:

    My entire life I have lacked confidence in approaching attractive girls who I am interested in. Now, with that being said, I really have no real reason to be that way. I have been told that I am relatively attractive, I’m athletic and I’m pretty intelligent. I have also had my fair share of girlfriends in my life (They have either approached me first or it happened after an extended period of time through getting to know them). But for some reason, I have a hard time approaching girls who I do no know very well and “hitting on them”. I don’t know what it is; I can have an open window and I just don’t act. And then later I get all mad at myself for not doing anything. Well, with that being said, there is this new girl I like where I work. And it seems like every day I have a chance to talk to her, but I always chicken out. And to make matters worse, there is another guy who is now going after her. And without boosting my ego, I just want to say that I know I am better looking then him, more successful, etc. I just fail to gain the confidence needed to do anything about it. This really sucks and I don’t know where else to turn… So please, can anyone help me? Thanks in advance.
    In regards to the recent response, she does look at me sometimes. And when I look back she looks away real quick. I obviously figured this may mean shes attracted to me, but she has done it far less since this new guy has been hitting on her. I also thought I heard her talking about me one day (about where I live) but that was all I really heard and I’m pretty sure, but not positive that it was about me. Even if it was about me though, I don’t know the rest of the content in her discussion and why it was brought up in the first place.

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